We know that laughter triggers healthy physical and emotional changes in the body. That’s why we include random funnies from around town and around the internet… these should give you that smiling boost you’re looking for.
Just bumped into a mannequin and said, “I’m sorry,” then I said, “Oh, I thought you were a real person.” Then I realized I was still speaking to a mannequin.
Are you cold? Sit in a corner. It’s 90 degrees.
Our hands have fingertips, but our toes don’t have toe tips… yet we can tiptoe.
A guy in my office was shaking his protein shake and this woman poked her head around the corner and said, “Do I hear margaritas?” No, Janet. It’s 10am.
My niece wants to know if she donates her hair to Locks of Love and the recipient of her hair commits a crime and leaves hair at the crime scene, will her DNA be found all over the crime scene and thus incriminate her? She’s 12.
I’m so jealous of those girls who are mad into fitness and healthy eating. I eat an apple and reward myself with Chinese.
I know I am not skinny but I am not fat either. I am just at that awkward middles stage where I have a double chin when texting.
On a scale of Jeff Sessions to Willie Nelson, how do you feel about cannabis?
I hate it when someone rings my doorbell because then I have to drop everything I am doing to be silent and pretend I’m not home.
I love it when I wake up and stretch and my limbs crack. It’s like I’m a glow stick.
Everyone thinks I’m overdramatic and upset, but when an octopus gets stressed out, it eats itself. Now that’s overdramatic!
Friend: When I woke up this morning, I meditated, did 50 push-ups, drank green tea, and went for a 30-minute walk. Me: When I woke up this morning, I spent an hour just waking up.
Snaughling: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to the first guess.
It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit anymore.
911 operator: What’s your emergency?
Dog: My owner has been gone for .04 seconds.
911 operator: Have you tried eating the couch?
Phones are so expensive nowadays that when you fall and hear a crack, you pray it’s your leg.
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
Danger is eating Jelly Bellies in the dark.
Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help.
Nothing says ‘Tm confused” like me trying to sleep in the winter… heat on, window open, fan blowing, lying under six blankets, and one foot out.
I tried the 23 and Me gene kit and I must have done something wrong because I got my results back and all it said was, “Positive for THC:’
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today, everyone has a car and only the rich have horses. Oh, how the stables have turned.
Dating after 40 is easy. It’s like riding a bike. But the bike is on fire. And the ground is on fire. Everything is on fire. Because you’re in hell.
Being a woman is exciting because we don’t know what mood we’ll be in next or for how long.
Naples: The only place you’ll get stuck behind a Ferrari going 45mph in a 55mph zone.
TV is simply a place where people go when they are tired of thinking.
Chocolate is a flavor of milk and milk is a flavor of chocolate. Hmmm …
An elderly couple is in church. The wife turns to the husband and says, “I just had a silent fart. What should I do?” The husband responds, “Put new batteries in your hearing aid:”
On average, I spend about $80 a year to watch bananas turn brown.
I plugged a USB in on the first try. There is no stopping me today.
